Shoshanah is gone, and I’m her alter ego, CRAZY HANAHSHOSH! AND I’M GIVING AWAY ALL OF HER BOOKS FOR FREE! THAT’S RIGHT, ANY BOOK SHOSHANAH WROTE OR ILLUSTRATED, I’M GIVING THEM AWAY TODAY ON GOODREADS! Enter today, because tomorrow, SHOSHANAH comes home, and the game’s up!
WE’VE GOT YOUR CHILDREN’S BOOKS,
YOUR COLORING BOOKS,
AND YOUR ILLUSTRATED TRAVEL STORIES!
THAT’S RIGHT, I’M GIVING THEM AWAY, AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME! OFFER ENDS TONIGHT!
P.S. Also, I’m sleeping with a TIGER AS A PILLOW TONIGHT, because that’s just how I roll.
You and she spend a lot of quantity time together. She’s a quiet teenager. She listens to nothing but classic industrial music. She’s fifteen. She’s sullen.
You’ve tried to get to know her better. Like that time at Thanksgiving, when you talked to her about food? You happened to mention that four slices of pie might be fattening. It was a light remark, nothing meant by it. But she said nothing. Her response came that Christmas, when she gave you a beautifully hand-embroidered pillowcase with many flowers and pies and the words, “F#@! YOU AND YOUR FASCIST BEAUTY STANDARDS” hand woven into it (except the F#@! was actually the real letters). You loved it. You use it every day to decorate your special antique chair in the foyer.
That time she stayed with you for a few weeks, she was awfully quiet. You didn’t know what to do with her, so you bought her a dreary book of haiku poetry with coloring pages. And she took a bag she had, full of 38 different shades of grey pencils, and she made all of the coloring pages look like black and white photographs. In between the pages, she twirled her long black hair in her pinky finger and stared forlornly off into the distance, and then she went back to her coloring. She colored every single page.
She says she wants to come and stay again, next summer.
Goodreads has contests out to give away one copy of all of my coloring books. Deadline: Midnight, November 16, 2016. (That’s today!)
First, enter to win the haunting drawings and haiku poetry of Coloring Inside the Dreams:
Then, enter to win the silliest thing you’ve ever experienced:
And finally, sign up to win a fantasy trip to Cloud County, where fairies make magical music:
1. Draw a guy.
2. Add a beard.
3. Draw a bird in the beard.
Another way is to have some really weird dudes visit you as you sketch them and their strange beard ecosystems. I speak from experience when I say, “Live models are a huge mistake! Bird poop everywhere! I’m missing my left thumb now! And those prima-dona beardos with their holier than thou attitudes? No, just make this stuff up. It’s better that way.”
After eighteen years of sweat, tears, and bird poop, at least I got a good coloring book out of it.
My favorite comic is Teresa Burritt’s Frog Applause. I check it every day. To my delight, Teresa Burritt is also a fan of my work. I know this because she told me once. And also, I know this because (to my delight) she included a mention of my Birds in Beards Coloring Book in her comic today:
How cool is that? Pretty cool, in my opinion.
If you are a member of Gocomics, or if you don’t mind signing up for a free membership, I have a wee little favor to ask: Could you go to the bottom of the screen at the web site for this comic and leave a comment that somehow indicates that the Birds in Beards Coloring Book is actually a real thing? Thank you so much. I would be exceedingly, incredibly grateful to you. In case the link over the words doesn’t work, here is the link for the comic:
and then, if you need it, here is a shortened link to the Birds in Beards Coloring Book:
Here’s hoping you feel the love, too, today.
Hey, all of you coloring book fans! I just made a beautiful book of pictures for you to color, based on the fantasy novels of Alex Bledsoe. This is the official coloring book of the Tufa, folks! Based on the four Tufa novels and a short story. For those not reading outstanding fantasy fiction, it is simply a book of beautiful pictures of forests and fairies and magic happening in very air itself. For those who are Alex Bledsoe fiction fans, you may just have died and gone to Cloud County.
Purchase at tinyurl.com/tufacolor
“You may think it’s nice, and you may think it’s weird, but beware of the man with a bird in his beard.”
So begins a ridiculous saga, a love story which includes 30+ portraits of men with beards and the birds who love them. Color in the beard strands (which are like spaghetti in many of the pictures) and the intricate feathers of the many different birds, or just enjoy the silly rhymes about a love gone wrong, due to overzealous bird care.
This book appeals to all ages, though the coloring is probably too detailed for young children.
Featuring actual portraits of real men with beards, including:
1. Matt Krueger (with a Lazuli Bunting in his beard)
2. Evan Skov (with generic birds in his car)
3. Victorio Piva (with a Falcon on his hand)
4. Mark Kessenich (with Barn Swallows in his beard)
5. Alex Bledsoe (holding an Owl)
6. Junior Jr. (with a Bird of Paradise)
7. Bryce Ziegler (with a Song Sparrow in his beard)
8. R.J. Dietrich (with Parrots and Alex the Cat)
9. Mike Mutant Goggles (with a Red Breasted Nuthatch)
10. Parisse Atkinson (with a choir of Swallows on his arm)
11. Jeffrey Ksul (with Hummingbirds)
12. Ben Boyce (feeding Great Herron chicks from his mouth)
13. Andrew Ettinger (with a Finch in his beard)
14. Matt Evans (with an Owlet)
15. Michael Van Vleet (with a living Robin, and a dead Robin)
16. Brian D. Marohn (hugging a Sage Grouse)
17. Marcelo Moraes (with Chickens)
18. John Francis (with lots of Chickens)
19. Dwayne Fry (with a Turkey)
20. Sean Downing (with a Marsh Wren)
21. Chris Wagoner (with a Western Bluebird and a Gambel’s Quail)
22. Fellipe Santos (with Hanging Parrots)
23. Michael Mortensen (with a Penguin)
24. Bob Lee (with a Hummingbird)
25. Buck Samuel Dollars (with Storks)
26. Dan Constein (with a Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker)
27. Professor Batty (with a Peace Dove)
28. Jon Anders Ofjord (with a Swan)
29. Ryan Rysewyk (with a Gouldian Finch)
30. Charlie Kukuri (with Ostriches)
31. Marc Losenegger (with a Rose-Breasted Grosbeak)
32. Chris Hoppe (with Doves flying around his bike)
33. Z. Marohn (with an American Kestrel on her hand)