Posted on 3 Comments

How to Explain Voldemort Winning the Presidency

Pyramid Circuit Board


I saw this show on the Discovery Channel about how the aliens came and built all of the pyramids on Earth? They had some compelling evidence:

  1. Rocks were moved thousands of miles, “before the invention of the wheel.”
  2. From an arial view, the pyramids look like a circuit board. (Which pyramids are these, you ask? It kind of doesn’t matter.)

    Pyramid Circuit Board
    Proof of alien intervention? Or proof of something else?
  3. The angles and slopes of the pyramids are so precise, only aliens could do that.
  4. The materials used in the Mayan pyramids are heat resistant, which means they must have been used as a launch pad for ships.

All of this sort of rests on an assumption that people just get smarter and smarter. We assume the aliens must have built the pyramids because we are so much smarter than people were a thousand or two thousand years ago. The aliens must be smart, because they invented space travel, right? No, no, no. This is all wrong. Aliens didn’t build the pyramids. The pyramids were built by “primitive” people who were way smarter than we are now. “Wheels weren’t invented yet” is so bizarre. Why not? Perhaps wheels were invented, and then forgotten. The same with space ships. People don’t get smarter and smarter with time, but rather stupider.

It’s a new theory of evolution: we’re just getting stupider all the time.

All this time, we thought we were making progress. And we weren’t.


3 thoughts on “How to Explain Voldemort Winning the Presidency

  1. Hilarious. Thanks for some levity.

  2. It’s a depressing thought but what about Bill Gates? He ain’t stupid and he’s no fan of Voldemort.

  3. I’m so glad to see you say this. We’re not smarter than the Egyptians. We just have better technology, which has made us lazier.

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